Bola de Espejos

Written by Leandro Fogliatti

Translated by Esteban Rico

I couldn’t erase his smile from my head. “But you don’t even have his phone number, you silly queen!” was the comforting remark I got from Gabriel. And he was right.  The reality was that it all came down to a faint memory that as days went by, turned into a fantasy. That was all I had from Nacho; pure fantasy… and a handkerchief. “If you’re so concerned about having a relationship, throw away that freaking dust cloth and start working on meeting real people”, said my roommate, while pressing play on Madonna’s Erotica video. I decided to follow his advice. That evening, with the apartment all to myself, I took a shower and got dressed. I got myself all dolled up… and I sat down in front of the computer. It took me a couple of hours to carefully go through the different chat rooms: brutal tops, big nelly bottoms, anything goes, wrestling, S&M, hand jobs, BJs, golden showers, threesomes, orgies and so on. Finally, something both revealing and promising came up; Serious Relationships. I took a deep breath and I approached the only person logged on in that specific chat room.

After a few words about our sexual preferences, I asked him to describe himself physically (if I was going to commit myself to a serious relationship, my boyfriend had to be perfect!). I’ve always known that to attract beauty, you must exude beauty, so instead of sending him a picture of myself, I sent him a picture of Paul Rudd, an actor I’m often told I resemble. Knowing that in love and war everything goes, a good looking celebrity will always be a better version of yourself.

As soon as he got my picture, Gonzalo sent me his, taken during his last vacation. He didn’t look bad at all!  That Speedo looked pretty fierce on him.  We ended up arranging a meet. 

Gonzalo on vacation

Half an hour standing at the entrance of Pride Café and of not recognizing each other, we realized that we were both waiting for someone. “Gonzalo?” “Leandro?” What a disappointment! This particular Gonzalo could never have fit into a loose trunk, much less into a Speedo! How dare he lie to me so shamelessly?!  At least I had sent him the picture of someone who actually looked like me! What kind of Serious Relationship could I have with someone who did such a thing?  Anyway, since we were already there (and horny), we went inside for some coffee.  The conversation was frank and straightforward; Gonzalo started this questionnaire, as shown on the following table:

I was finally able to make him smile! And it was due to my answers! In spite of the initial disappointment, I noticed the date was moving to the next level because he invited me to spend the night in a motel.

 “I want details!” demanded Gabriel the morning after. “It wasn’t a big deal”, I said dryly.  “No, no!  I wanna know who the hell said that you look like Paul Rudd!”  “Mummy never lies!”  “And why did you sleep with him if you didn’t like him?”  “I’m focusing on a possible relationship, so I’m also looking for inner beauty in my potential boyfriends.” Gabriel’s laughter rang in my ears for about 2 weeks, the same amount of time that went by without Gonzalo making the call he promised to make the moment I gave him my number and he didn’t give me his.

After a few days of feeling frustrated, I decided to go back to my normal life. Priority # 1: grocery shopping (our fridge was as empty as Paris Hilton’s head). Coincidentally, on the same day Gabriel and I decided to go to the supermarket, fate wanted me to cross paths with Gonzalo once again. After a couple of awkward “hellos”, I couldn’t control my resentment. After asking him why he hadn’t called, he confessed. It seemed like Mr. Serious Relationship was actually willing to commit to a relationship…but only with someone on his same financial and professional level. Apparently, I had only qualified for a one night stand! I felt like spitting right in his face, but I couldn’t do it. Suddenly, one of the supermarket’s stock boys came out and approached my recent-almost-ex-candidate-for-a-serious-relationship. “Hey, Gonzalo!” he said smiling (he happened to be really cute and fit!).  “It’s been four months since you quit working in the warehouse and you don’t visit us anymore?!”  Seeing the huge smile on my face, Gonzalo started freaking out and screamed “I did it before getting my degree!”  “At least give us back the 500 bucks that you borrowed from the guys, dude”.  Dude promised he’d return the money as soon as he could (it seems he had quite a few debts) and left with his head hanging low, his Capitalist pride likely bruised and battered. 

I turned around looking for Gabriel so I could share my delicious anecdote with him, but he was too busy chatting up our gorgeous (and heroic) stock boy, whose name was Rodrigo. I stood there looking at them and I smirked.  It was right then and there that I started to believe in spontaneity, in authenticity, in the greatness of a casual encounter.

Next post: Friday, September 7th.